i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
