come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
