No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
