Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
