there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
