Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Houston, we have a blender
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
