you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
