waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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