I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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