I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
