PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
