So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
