i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
