Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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