I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
