youre lurking in front of me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
