she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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