3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
