OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
