there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
