i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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