So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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