i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
