i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have surprise drugs for everyone
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
