That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
