im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
