is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
