Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
