You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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