An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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