your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
