I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
