Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
A bitchslap is in order.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
