I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
