Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
