Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
