She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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