90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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