College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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