He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
