then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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