Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
