OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
