Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize
