Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
