i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
