I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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