nut hugger
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
