Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
