Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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