Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
