Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I enjoy the company of your penis
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
